But I love how Netflix intuitively knows me. I log in and it says things like "Jenny would like this" and often the weird thing is I do. They've clearly got a team of super awesome clairvoyant movie freaks on the same page. So last night I logged in only instead of my "usual" selections - Netflix decides that based on the fact that I watched a Dalai Lama interview and some forbidden soft porn with Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas that I would TOTALLY be into an instructional video entitled "Sacred Love Making"...taught by some blonde American nympho with a background in kama sutra awareness or some other total shite.
But hey, it peaked my interest so I select it and the above image is what shows up on the first screen. Apparently I'm not to attempt any of the crazy sex moves without consulting a physician. Good to know. I just avoided a crazy chiropractic bill right there.
It then went on to highlight the sexual incompetencies and desires of two totally crazy hippie couples. My favourite is that David (man from couple one) wanted to "feel more comfortable with himself." I would think screwing your girlfriend on a highly public sex information video would definitely do that...but then again, I don't have a background in kama sutra awareness..so what the hell do I know.
It then breaks down the areas of love making according to Taoist theory of connectivity...blah blah blah. Let's just say I ate popcorn and learned about "Tongue Kung Fu" (yah totally getting my hubby to watch that segment) and the art of sexual positions. My two faves aptly being named "wrestling monkeys" and "bunny licking its fur"...who named these? My 4 year old? Although they strayed from the good old fashion missionary position, I still think it's a good stand by. I do know next time I hit the sack, I'm supposed to jack myself off until my chakras align and then do the same for my husband until he sees flying dolphins (no seriously, that was included). So good tips but I'm going to give this movie 2 thumbs down.
p.s. If your neighbours are Ishmiel and Patra, I feel sorry for you. They're probably practicing "wrestling monkeys" right now in their backyard. You could always get some popcorn and watch - would be better than this piece of crap video.